I have come to the conclusion over the past two weeks that my gray hair will not come from my children (not yet at least). My gray hair will start because I have to watch people I love suffer. And I can do nothing to help. Words of encouragement and strength, don't help matters. Only a hug can even come close to easing any sort of pain.
I can't stand next to them all the time and hug them. I pray my little heart out, but I still watch and try to show I care without smothering them. I can't give advice, it is not my place. It is not my 'choice' to make. I am here to be a shoulder to cry on, or I can help push the wheel with them.
But in the wee hours of the night, I cry for them. My heart aches to take the burdens from them. This is when I feel we draw closer to our Savior. Not for strength, but we feel/see a glimpse into his world of pain and love. Here to help the ones we love......only when they ask for it. A silent beacon to help guide them when their tears make it hard to see.
If there was an easy way to endure pain and sorrow someone would have come up with a treatment by now; that is what the western world seems to feel we deserve. But coming to earth so we could have experiences to exercise our agency more times than not is a struggle. Growing can be painful. Enlightenment can be sorrowful. We agreed to a life where we would be subject to the consequences of our own decisions. And because our Heavenly Father is just we are subject to others actions as well. Being a witness to the wonders of life is joyful. The birth of a baby, a beautiful painting, a lovely garden, an elderly couple still in love, a wayward child coming home. These are all tender moments where the heart recognizes a great effort has been put forth to do the Father's will. Too often we also have to behold the coldheartedness of someone self absorbed and indifferent to the suffering around them. At these times our hearts break and the only solice is while we are on our knees. Eve knew we needed to have the depth to recognize good from evil. I look forward to the time when I can sit and talk to her face to face and ask her where she gained such wisdom. So in order to progress we need to experience great joy and painful sorrow. I have learned that to truely have any idea what a gift the Atonement is we have to suffer. We have to be subject to someone elses sin and feel the pain when we are innocent. This is an essential part of our mortal mission. It is never easy and is always sad. And when you are unexpectedly blind sided anger can take over and side track you from what you know is right. Healing is not a given and forgiveness has it's own timetable. But I do know the smile from a two year old, a romantic song, the blossoms on a beautiful plant, a hug from a loving partner remind our souls it is so much greater than all that yuck. And then for one moment there is hope. MOM
ReplyDelete