Up, down, up, down, up, down.........I think we are up at the moment. Or maybe I just want it to be that way. Don't get me wrong not 'perfect' but heading in the right direction.
Porter did his #2 bathroom duties all himself today. Even making sure that any mess was wiped and flushed away. Huge I tell you! Makenzie didn't feel good last night and ran a low grade fever all day.
This is not a good thing, but if I was working full time like I think I should I would of had some major drama today. Instead she was able to cuddle up in front of the tv in her jammies and watch all the Barbie and Pony shows she wanted (in between napping).
Logan started his homework yesterday by himself and is mastering fractions-go figure. Don't know where that one came from. I would think he would be totally confused. He is reading more with Grandma Vicki and really working toward having some reading self esteem.
It is hard to have faith and leave things up to the Lord for me. I think this is my current test. I don't want to bother people with my problems. I want to feel like I can do it by myself. Not meaning that I don't pray and have an intimate relationship with my Savior. Just that I feel we need to be self reliant. I know that there is concern that I may be upset at times, but I don't think he cares that I am upset about my house being dirty. He wants me to be happy and grateful for all that I have.
When in college I went through some rough emotional times. I liked the song by Simon and Garfunkel, I am a Rock. I related to it, . I didn't feel like anyone understood me. I think the song is a huge metaphoric irony. The more you become an island the further you draw away from the Lord and the purposes for us being here. As hard as it is to deal with trials and relationships, other then 'knowledge' these are the things that will last for eternity.
Having faith is so personal; you have to be OK with giving up control to diety and living with the consequences. It is very important to trust the Lord and in turn that allows you to love Him. The problem is He knows what is best for you and your family and that isn't always a road we would choose for ourselves. We are selfish and would like to choose the road of least resistance. When I was younger I would reflect on why I had to live with someone that had serious mental problems. To say it was hard is an understatement. Yet I look back on those life experiences now and I can see the wisdom my Heavenly Father had to prepare me for a life to be able to have compassion and understanding for those in my family and others that struggle with mental illness. Was it a road I would have chosen for myself? Probablly not. Was it a road specifically designed so I could try to be the best I could be, yes. When I look into my grandchildrens eyes I see the future and all the amazing experiences they will come in contact with and I know because of my past I can be there for them and be part of the strength that will help to hold them up. Faith is a hard concept. It requires a spiritual maturity that in times of pain and strife can allude us. Not knowing what the future holds in store for us is part of the wonder of living. It can hurt or it can excite. Our goal is to trust enough that everyday becomes a marvel in itself. I love you! MOM
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