So I feel bad sometimes. I feel like I am living in two parallel worlds. I always have two outlooks to a situation or two feelings. And I always feel bad that I think about something in two different ways......let me give an example;
Logan got a 100% on a spelling test. This is huge. I mean this is ginormous. 'We' have been working toward this for a very long time. Not just to take the test, but to get every word correct. I was so happy for him and proud that he was able to accomplish something that I don't think, he thought could happen.
Flip-side
I feel like life is absorbed by homework and spelling tests and doctor appointments and preschool and getting to school on time and laundry and dishes and cleaning and potty training and folding clothes and vacuuming and grocery shopping and bill paying and on and on and on. I know this is my lot, and I know that I am where I am because of choices I made but, come on. I feel like I am in a 'vacuum'. To be crushed as soon as I am sucked in all the way; to be crushed into complete nonexistence.
So, there it is. The two sided, crazy psychological batter over emotions. I guess the positive side of it all is that I acknowledge the duality. The negative is trying to figure out if it is a battle of good and evil, or if it is just a emotional balance that needs to coexist. And trying to filter all the crap that gets stuck in between the 'little bits'.
I really don't think that anyone can give me an answer. I think that this is one of those lessons that comes to each individual in a very specific way, and the enlightenment comes to each individual separately. Through their own study, meditation, and inward reflection.
Maybe filtering out the outside negative influence and distractions is the key to this. Problem is when all that is around you detours from that inner peace how do you not completely close off and implode.
The easy answer is move to Hawaii and drink out of coconuts for the rest of my life. Or maybe not. I would settle for a little cabin in the woods. Not sure how I could simplify more then I already have. Most of the time when you simplify too much you end up making things more complicated. Now I believe it is time to contemplate.
I will work on that inward reflection and filtering of distractions........for now..........
I use to wonder why did Heavenly Father if he loved Job so much make him suffer so badly? Then I realized that one of the reasons was he wanted us to have a great example to read about and contemplate on. Job never gave up. He only praised the Lord and gave him the glory. We are here to have joy. After God created the Earth, separated the darkness from the light, divided the waters, gave us the plant and animal kingdoms He created man and woman. He has often referred to us as his crowning creation. Satan wants us to be distracted by all the "stuff" that is out there for us. He wants us to play into his hands and get absorbed by those things of the world. And then there is poor Job, who for us suffered so we could see that all that matters is Logan's smiling face holding that spelling test and a mother saying "good job son". Some of us never have clean houses. The dishes and laundry are never done and financial stability will not happen in our lifetime. But what would we do to have a Heavenly Father embrace us when we return home and just say "good job son". That's our objective. I love you, MOM
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